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Posts Tagged ‘permission’

Yesterday, a friend of mine was talking about asking his employees to create a user manual for themselves. It’s kind of genius.

So I am going to give it a shot. First, a user manual has its own audience. If I am writing a user manual for a significant other, it will say things specific to that use. A mom user manual would be very different.

Since this blog has definite divorce vibe this year, I will write my significant other manual.

1) Do’s & Don’ts

A) Don’t ignore me. If I am taking the time to talk to you, don’t you dare blow me off.

B) Do understand that I overthink everything. When a sentence comes out of my mouth, you must understand that I have thought of 20 different angles for what comes out of my mouth.

C) Never cut me off. EVER.

D) Phrases that automatically piss me off:

1- You are just like your family.

2- Whatever

3- You may study psychology but you don’t know how to use it obviously.

4- It gets better

5- God is punishing you

And my personal favorite

6- I’m busy

E. Needs

1) I need physical contact. Often.

2) When I get frantic, I need to be hugged.

3) I need to be told that I am doing a fabulous job. Often. Because my inner voice doesn’t tell me that. 

4) I need you to understand my history. There are so many valleys and left turns that I need someone to look out for me.

5) Understand that although I may look like I know what I am doing, I am still that girl cowering in the corner of the room. And I need more than anything to have that understood.

F. What to do when everything goes wrong.

1) Reassure me that you aren’t going anywhere. No matter what happens.

2) Chocolate

3) Flowers

4) Cleaning.
What will you get in return for the proper care and maintenance of myself?

The most loyal, hard working, loving, silly person that exists. Someone who will give every opportunity for you to get yourself together. 

If proper care is not take , the light for you will be exatinguished. Never to be lit again.

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I’ll be honest. I’m pretty angry right now. I didn’t know I was. Until yesterday.

Every year, I attend the Global Leadership Summit. Every year, I am moved and inspired in a deep and meaningful way. This year was no exception.

Bill Hybels gave a challenge to everyone to examine ourselves and find out who we needed to forgive in order to be able to move on. It turns out, I was angry at God. Kind of surprised me. I thought God and I were somewhat decent in our relationship. 

Not so much.

God answered my prayer and hundreds of other’s prayers to keep him alive two years ago. But He saw fit for him to not have the same personality. I assumed that I had accepted that. There is nothing I can do to change it. I was overwhelmed suddenly with relief and a torrent of tears and sobbing. I know, classy right? 

A friend asked me a crucial question. “Why do you think that God is unhappy with the failure of your marriage?” 

Simple right? Simple but mind blowing. 

It had never occurred to me that any of this was a part of God’s plan.

 It never occurred to me that my ex-husband had a large part in any of this. 

It never occurred to me that whatever is just around the corner in my life, is so big, that God needed my undivided attention and has gone to this length to get it. 

Earth shattering right? Ok, maybe not earth shattering, but it has sparked a LOT of thinking and reflection on my part. What is next? I have ZERO clue. But rest assured, God has my attention.

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Permission

Today, I give myself permission to be sad. 

Sad for dreams that never materialized. Sad for a marriage that couldn’t be mended.

Sad for a life’s purpose that no longer exists.

Out of that sadness hope is born.

Hope for the future. 

Thanksgiving for friendships forged from the metal of despair and loneliness.

And happiness that two girls get to establish a sisterly bond that was not possible six months ago.

I give myself permission to be sad.

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