Netflixing MadMen

•February 23, 2020 • Leave a Comment

My current Netflix interest is MadMen.

I find the relationship dynamics in this show fascinating. Namely the extramarital affairs.

I realized that there are a couple of appeals in cheating regardless of where you find yourself in that relationship.

1) The thrill of pursuit. Not relegated just to men, women have this too.

As crass as it sounds, humans have an animalistic desire to see a target, want it, pursue it, and obtain it.

2) The need to feel attractive, engaging, and desired by others outside of the ‘maintenance’ relationship.

I want to be thought of as beautiful. I want to be the women that a man thinks about when he has a bad day. I want to be the woman that a man turns around to speak to when he as an idea. I want my laugh to be the thing that he wants to hear. I want my moans to be the ones that he wants to hear.

3) Being desired

To hear from someone that they can’t NOT think about you? Thats something we all crave. We want to be valued. We want to be thought of as indispensable, unique.

4) Counting on something that you are good at.

We all desire to have something that we know that we are great at. Being able to sexually satisfy your partner- feels incredible.

The cost of these things is high. Divorce. Failed relationships. Broken hearts. Self Esteem.

Making a relationship work is hard. Sometimes you have to get creative. Sometimes you will feel like shit. But in a moment when your partner (whomever that is) trusts you with a piece if their heart (scars, trauma, shame, fears, loneliness) that is the greatest gift of all. That is a connection worth getting creative over.

In an instant….

•February 22, 2020 • Leave a Comment

Your life can change in a moment.

The ‘about face’ we often attribute to tragedy; heart attacks, divorce, death, terminations. But sometimes….sometimes something good happens. Someone good happens.

It doesn’t have to be grandiose, lavish, or lofty.

It can be simple….honest….and pure.

Beautiful in its realness, it can become the greatest lifeline you have ever had. No games. No ulterior motives.

Just simple, fondness and respect that leads nowhere in particular and leaves a calm assurance in its wake.

An instant can remind you that you have intrinsic value.

Worth having around for more than your output.

One instant.

Single parent isolation- Its a thing.

•February 20, 2020 • Leave a Comment

Divorce alone is isolating.

You become ‘damaged goods’. Only good enough to be considered as such.

But even more isolating is the role of single parent.

Let’s face it, how many of us have looked with pure judgement at a failing single parent and said to ourselves “Have fun with that, bitch. You created the spawn of the devil, now you get to live with it.”

I am guilty.

Now, I am that mom. The mom that everyone looks at but wont touch with a ten foot pole.

Cowards.

The Stairs. Again.

•February 17, 2020 • Leave a Comment

Yes. My old nemesis has struck again.

The flight of stairs. Relatively unassuming and simplistic. These feats of architecture are often times vertical, man made focal points in our homes or buildings.

The backdrop to many a romantic moment. Famous staircases include the iconic concrete stairs in “Rocky,” the romantic staircase in the Tara Plantation in “Gone With The Wind,” the Western staircase in “McClintock.” The tragic library staircase in “Sex In The City” where Big runs like a marathoner away from the love of his life.

My apartment stairs once again are the host to my clumsiness, only too eager to make me the fool that I am. A heated argument between a mom and her teenage daughter (I was losing) caused me to charge toward the stairway to snatch my child up. In my irritated state, I missed the top stair and made the next 10 very efficiently.

I broke two toes in the process. (I assume broken because they are too swollen to bend at this point) my foot many shades of red, blue and purple.

I think I lost the ‘parent of the year award’…….in .4 seconds…….

Good can happen.

•February 9, 2020 • Leave a Comment

Sometimes its good to remember that the valleys in your life do end.

Good things will eventually happen.

Good people do exist.

The bad never lasts forever.

And its ok to smile just a little bit…

Corporate

•February 7, 2020 • Leave a Comment

I have struggled with this job. Hard.

I have watched greed become actual people. I have seen the best people become something they are not and be broken down to nothing.

I have had to toss and turn at night knowing that the next day, I would have to fire a person for a reason that I didn’t agree with.

I have had to look at myself in the mirror and hope that I could just make it through one more day and be ok.

Idk how to do this anymore….

Idk what my purpose is. Do I really want to be known for being associated with these people? How am I making lives better??

The answer is that I’m not.

Oh F-Awesome.

•February 5, 2020 • Leave a Comment

I told a current contractor that they were being replaced.

Without knowing they didn’t know.

Thats just great. You should have seen his face. I did. And it broke me.