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Why.

Its the shortest question ever.

My sister and I were talking about relationships and lessons learned and NOT learned with each of them. I am having a terrible time getting over one in particular. I voiced my frustration to her and she asked a serious of questions that started with ‘Why’.

Why?

Pfff. If I knew that, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.

Why him? Not content with my ‘Idk’ answer, I had to dig deeper. What did he do that no one else did? It has taken me a month to come up with a complicated answer.

He figured out what was important to me really quickly. He remembered details that only someone who was actually listening to the spoken and unspoken words I was communicating would know. He knew how to read me. He saw me for the trainwreck that I was and he didn’t shy away. And I guess that is truly what it boils down to.

Honestly, it didn’t work because we were never actually in a relationship. When we started to get somewhere, she made a reappearance in his life and that was that. I knew something was happening, I just didn’t know what.

Its not a bad thing, just what happened. On the eve of two years since he changed my life, I am trying to let him go. He was never mine to have.

He will always have that place in my heart. And always be able to open that door. He has the only key.

So what now? Now, I section off that side of my heart and bury it. If he chooses to open that door, there will always be a candle in there, burning. If he doesn’t, the dust and cobwebs will collect and the candle wax will build up and I will move on.

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~ by goddess4ever on October 31, 2019.

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