Today, I finally realized why I was having such a hard time with a sewing project that has taken me months to complete.
I need reading glasses.
…..
There is nothing on this earth worse than getting old. I am dragging my feet to 40 and my eyes have already started down the stupid hill.
What is worse is that when I went into the bathroom and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I saw my mom staring back at me. Enter the weirdest most obnoxious panic attack I have had in awhile.
I will have my face surgically altered just to NOT look like my mother. Like that is not even a question.
Her frowned face with no eyebrows (from over-plucking) was a familiar, un-avoidable look.
I guess what I am more afraid of, is being like her. The paranoid schizophrenia gives its own layer of hell to the issue and why I don’t want to be like her. But I think the biggest thing I fear is that she was never happy in her life.
She has been ‘about to start a business’ her entire life. Blames my dad or us for so many failures that I just don’t get it. I don’t ever want to be that unhappy. I don’t want to wish my life away. I don’t ever want to be ok just existing.
If you are unhappy in your life- change it!!! Yeah, it creates a shitshow but that is a hell of a lot better than living life on the sidelines. I don’t want to be a spectator. Don’t make me sit on the bench!
All that from a pair of hot pink reading glasses………
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