Slipping, slipping, slipping…..

I like to think I have control…..I don’t.

I like to think that I am in complete control of my emotions and desires. Clearly not.

I thought, “Ok, if I put rules on it, I will protect myself.” That was a failed attempt at a pain free existence. Like walking into a pole.

I feel my rules slipping………slipping……..

Yeah, I love him.

Here’s the thing: the privilege of being in love with someone, means that there is risk. Reward comes with risk. Big risk.

If I want him, the “rules” have to go. I have to take the risk. Why?

Because deep down, I know he is THE GUY. Yeah, it totally sounds stupid, but you don’t have a connection like that by accident.

Logic and Risk don’t belong in the same sentence.

The rules have to go this time. I am not going to lose him….

~ by goddess4ever on May 23, 2019.

4 Responses to “Slipping, slipping, slipping…..”

  1. He may be “The Guy” for you what happens if you are not “The Gal” for him? Does he know about this blog?


    • Well that would be sad. He knows about the blog.


    • Whether I am the girl for him is irrelevant to the fact that I have to take that risk. Yes, I would be devastated. But that doesn’t change my vulnerability risk.
      If I want a lasting relationship that is real, I have to be ‘all in’. I cannot control him. Of course what he wants is integral to this, but right now, he doesn’t know what he wants. If that changes, that is the price of being vulnerable. Sometimes it doesn’t work.
      I can’t control that.
      He knows that I love him. If nothing comes of it, I will be heartbroken but I accept that risk.


    • The question is whether he has the integrity to address both questions on his own or not. And if he doesn’t, he doesn’t.
      I can walk away knowing that it isn’t because I didn’t try.


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