Your heart is an asshole.

Your heart loves who it loves. There is nothing you can do to stop it or change that.

I think the last year of trying to force myself to move on and not love someone, hurt me more than what I was so afraid of in the very beginning. Losing someone.

You can’t control another person. You can (its illegal) but you could. I don’t want that.

I have been so afraid of being alone that I have forced myself into a situation where I am alone.

I want what every normal well adjusted girl wants. Someone to say “You are the person that I want in my life. You are the one that I want to bitch at when I am 92 years old.

There is not a set route to get there. No one said that a set sequence of events has to happen in order to get to that point. There is no rulebook.

I realized that I didn’t lose my spouse because I didn’t have control of the situation. I lost him because we both changed drastically after a series of extremely difficult events. There are no guarantees in life or in love.

What I can do is enjoy what I have now and be ok with the perfection that it is, in and of itself. Because it is. It is perfection.

It doesn’t have to be anything else. It doesn’t have to cause things to change. It doesn’t become anything.

There is beauty in what it is.

Love is more powerful than any rule that you place on it. My heart has proven, she is an asshole. She will love who she pleases. She will not be forced. She will not abide by rules. She loves who she loves.

~ by goddess4ever on May 5, 2019.

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