Today I hurt.

No one can prepare you for losing your spouse. No one can prepare you for walking the helpless path of watching them slip away from you without their support that you have had for years. You can’t tell them how lost you feel. You can’t go to that safe place because they were that safe place and it is just gone.

Easter is hard. We used to hide cascarones for the girls instead of candy eggs. They loved it. I used to fit perfectly under his arm and we laughed at the girls chasing each other around the yard.

Today I hurt.

Today the scar bleeds afresh. God, why did you have to take him from me?? You took him away and left me alone. You put me on the most painful path of my life. You made me watch the shell of my person disappear and left me with two confused children and the responsibility to do what was best for their safety and well being. You took him away.

You have left me drowning in pain and loneliness. How much longer? How much longer must I ache and put on a mask just to get through each day before I can have someone fill that hole??

I know that no one will fill the spot that my first husband left, I am not asking for that to be filled. No one can fill that.

I just want someone to laugh with and do life with. Sex would be cool too.

Today, I hurt.

Today, I miss my husband. June 3, 2015 seems like so long ago.

Today, I hurt.

~ by goddess4ever on April 22, 2019.

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