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The question.

Today’s dose of dating discomfort and social awkwardness comes from today’s lunch date in another town nearby.

The mark is a soft spoken Sales Rep from a nearby global tech company. He happens to not be American. (Did not find that out until later). Pretty eyes- check. Has a job- check. Can hold a conversation- check.

Food was amazing (the most redeeming quality of most of these dates is the food, let’s be real).

He has one of those beards that doesn’t really have an end (This is going through my head while he tells me about what he wants in a girl- I should prob be listening.) The beard and the chest hair just kind of merge at some point, I twisted my head a couple times before I realized I was doing it; trying to figure out if there was a start and stop point to the beard.

Then, I heard it. The question.

“Why did your last relationship end.”

I can’t fault this question, I ask it in a similar point blank manner. Its a telling question. Their answer tells me everything I need to know. So I was taken by unpleasant surprise. And I guess my surprise showed. (I hate when the tables are flipped and I am not ready).

Me- “..pause..Well. He didn’t want to be in a relationship.”

Him- “How do you know?”

Sidebar –Is this really a question??? Dr. Phil???

Me- “Ummmmmm. Because he told me.”

Him- “Did you get along? Why didn’t he want a relationship?”

Sidebar– When I get surprised and cornered, my eyes snap. Snap.

Me- “He wasn’t ready to be in a relationship, he had an awful marriage and he didn’t want the headache or hassle. You can’t make someone want to be in your space if they don’t want to be there. And if you could, they would be miserable. And I don’t want that for anyone. I loved him, he loved me, it was never about that. We wanted different things.”

Sidebar– I know. It was none of his business. But I am an honest person and have always been open about things.

He put his fork down, looked me straight in the face and said “I am sorry.”

I didn’t have much to say after that. Just kind of surprised that the tables were turned like that.

We ended the date with a hug. At least I thought it would be just a hug. (I hate this part of the date. I ALWAYS make it weird except today.) As I began to be relieved that the date had passed like a normal kidney stone, he kissed me on the shoulder.

………….

I get that I am a mess. I get that it is always a train-wreck.

The answer to ‘the question’ is that none of my relationships ended because of Love or Lack of. They ended because my anxieties and fears become so great; I switch into self preservation mode. That is no one’s fault but mine.

PS- Don’t kiss my shoulder. unless it is bare. Otherwise it is just weird.

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~ by goddess4ever on March 8, 2019.

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