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Everything is fine until I start being myself.

Friendships, acquaintances, colleagues, and wanna-be relationships, always start out fine. I can do a few hours of normal.

Then life happens and my anxiety takes over. My fears take over.

I hold tighter. A lot tighter.

And that is when people run. Like Wylie-Coyote-run.

Then the depression and cycle of kicking my own ass begins. Because why can’t I be normal long enough to have a normal relationship?

Because.

Because I am NOT normal. Because I have been through a lot of shit. And because of that, I am insanely fearful of losing people. I constantly feel like I will never measure up to their expectations. Turns out, I will never measure up to my own expectations.

I AM broken.

But those cracks, chips, and blemishes make me so very unique. Not many have what it takes to deal with me. And I wish I could change that, EXCEPT that would take away my unique blend of crazy.

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~ by goddess4ever on March 1, 2019.

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