Everything is fine until I start being myself.
Friendships, acquaintances, colleagues, and wanna-be relationships, always start out fine. I can do a few hours of normal.
Then life happens and my anxiety takes over. My fears take over.
I hold tighter. A lot tighter.
And that is when people run. Like Wylie-Coyote-run.
Then the depression and cycle of kicking my own ass begins. Because why can’t I be normal long enough to have a normal relationship?
Because.
Because I am NOT normal. Because I have been through a lot of shit. And because of that, I am insanely fearful of losing people. I constantly feel like I will never measure up to their expectations. Turns out, I will never measure up to my own expectations.
I AM broken.
But those cracks, chips, and blemishes make me so very unique. Not many have what it takes to deal with me. And I wish I could change that, EXCEPT that would take away my unique blend of crazy.
