I am so tired.

No one tells you that when you become a supervisor, people literally hate you.

Like HATE you.

It is an odd feeling to truly know that people are talking about you for real when you walk in or begin to leave.

I don’t like it. It just makes me want to stay in bed all day. I don’t relish making 99% of the world miserable. The 1%, yeah, I enjoy that. There are only a few people I know like that and its been at least a year since I have seen any of them.

It just doesn’t feel good. I don’t like calling people out or being the rule follower. I really don’t.

I love to make people laugh. I love to brings smiles to people’s faces. It has been a long time.

I just want people to be happy. I don’t want to be a burden to people. I am so lonely. I have heard my dad say that it is lonely at the top (he was never at the top) and I know what he meant now.

My ex husband used to laugh at me when I asked for him to put his arms around me. He always knew that I hated asking. Especially since we weren’t really touchy feely people. That changed drastically after his heart attack. He couldn’t stand my presence for a long time, over a year after. When he finally did try to make an effort, it was too late.

I know, I know. The world’s tiniest violin playing “My heart bleeds for you”.

~ by goddess4ever on December 16, 2018.

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