With ridiculous deadlines looming, I am stricken with a brutal migraine yet again. Migraines have a great way of reducing you to a vomiting pile of uselessness.

I started thinking about my last relationship. And kicking myself. I knew better. I so freaking knew better. Actions always speak louder than words and I turned the volume down because I felt something. I changed the rules because I felt something I had never felt before.

How dumb can you be?? I have teenagers for god’s sake. I tell them all the time, ‘Actions speak louder than words’. I tell them to go with their gut. Mine was absent, unlike today.

I am the queen of rules. I broke every one of them because I felt something that he was too afraid to acknowledge. He could do 5 tours overseas, see people killed, but couldn’t accept the connection. Couldn’t let the walls down.

I left a 17 year marriage for the same stupid reason and here I am again. In the same fucking position. Loving a man who doesn’t have the balls to admit what he feels. Doesn’t realize that it takes two people to make a relationship work.

By the same token, I obviously know how to pick an unavailable male. And pick them well.

I am so tired of it.

PS-tired of this migraine and the vomiting too while I am at it.

~ by goddess4ever on December 5, 2018.

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