Tidal waves of life.
I am a week away from the apt walk through…… I am afraid to be excited.
I am working 80 hour weeks because I am afraid to get stuck in a position of needing to live with someone again. I am fucking terrified of not being able to provide for my kids.
I finally got the messages from my youngest that I have been begging God for. She needs me. It is time for me to be a bigger part of her life and I am scared of failing.
The Fall season is a fickle and cruel mistress. There is rejoicing of what has been accomplished but there is also aching and sadness for what used to be.
Halloween will be especially hard this year. Love always seems to pop up when you least expect it. I am ready for that to happen again. I am ready to feel like the world is ok again.
I am afraid of walking forward and being successful, I don’t want to fuck it up. I don’t want to take it for granted.
I am terrified of so many things but the biggest fear is not making progress and staying in this state.
