Playing with a dating site scammer…..

I freaking hate dating. Not gonna lie, there is literally nothing that I love about it.

Its exhausting. You chose pictures that you hope don’t make you look like you were born in a trailer park, or live in yoga pants.

You try to think of all the reasons that your ex didn’t hate you and you come up with two redeeming qualities: ‘frequent bathing’ and ‘has a job’.

Then you have to deal with all the creeps. The ones who want you for sex. Maybe not even for actual sex, maybe just pictures or something.

Once you get past that point, you get hardcore judgy. (Its a word because I made it up.) At my age, it isn’t so much the looks as it is “Why the fuck is he single right now?” I tell my best friend all the time “Everyone, no matter how amazing they seem, has a bag of fingernail clippings somewhere.” Basically, skeletons and/or badly packed baggage.

Right now, I am 80/20 in thinking I am talking to some chick in Nigeria who is pretending to be an oil prospecting engineer. Let’s be honest, I am 38, I am divorced with two teenagers: how am I going to end up with an Oil Prospector?

The reasons that I am almost certain he isnt real?

1) Allegedly born in Germany, grew up there, and somehow ended up in Central Texas. Could easily be true until you look at everything else.

2) Very heavy accent- I would almost bet Middle Eastern. Not German.

3) Pet name game WAY early…. ‘My pretty’ (Save that for the witch in The Wizard of Oz). ‘My angel’- clearly doesnt know me yet…..

4) Supposedly, his daughter lives in the states with his ex. Ok, seems plausible…..until you start thinking……who moves from Germany to BFE Kansas?? (Not trying to insult my Kansas readers, but c’mon)

5) Has moments where he seems to do fine with the language and then we take a detour to broken sentences and misspelling. I get it, I can’t spell at 3am.

6) This oil rig offshore of Dubai……… 14 hour days with no days off…… just gonna leave that one alone……

7) Writes me a love letter every night for me to read in the morning when I wake up. Apparently he picks a few love letters and sends me snippets- Thanks Google!!!!!

8) I have run the phone number, flagged his profiles, etc., everything checks out.

On paper it checks out. On paper, its a great gig. I am waiting for the scam. I am waiting for some ridiculous reason that he wants me to launder money. I don’t have time for this bullshit. In the meantime, I am playing along. Mostly because I want to see just sophisticated these people are. Would they really try that hard to snow me?? WHY??

So if you need your ‘pretty’, I am doing some laundry…….

~ by goddess4ever on August 25, 2018.

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