Why do I want self respect again?

You know that time that you didn’t want to feel like the world’s biggest fool anymore?

There will always be a crossroads. Today, I ran into it without knowing it was coming.

I said “I can’t” when every cell in my body was begging me to ‘SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!’. When everything you thought you wanted is right in front of you…. but you say “I can’t”.

My phone hit the floor and of course skittered across the room and under the sofa where god knows how many dust mites live.

I fought back the hot tears. Why am I doing this again? Why am I refusing what I think about EVERY single day?!?!

I don’t know anymore…….

I do know that my phone needs to be sanitized. Probably a new screen but it still works so who cares.

I wish I could let him go. I wish it didnt hurt like this. But it does.

The reality is that it is one sided. And has been. I love him with everything I am for whatever reason.

Love isn’t supposed to hurt like this. It isn’t supposed to be constant rejection.

I will always love him. Always.

~ by goddess4ever on August 15, 2018.

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