Pain is relentless.

It just does not stop. A relentless weight of loss that gets dragged behind you day after day. Your self worth directly proportional to the weight sapping the life from your body.

I would give anything. Truly anything to have made it work. For that moment of safety. That moment of being wanted by another person, of truly being enough. Because he was enough.

I didn’t give a shit that he was working towards a degree. Didn’t give a rats ass that he worked a lot. Didn’t care that he had an ex-wife. I didn’t give a fuck what he made as far as money was concerned. I didn’t care about any of those things.

I cared about the 20 min that I was in his arms just talking. I cared that time stood still when we were together. I cared that I loved him.

The pain of only being with someone for a couple hours out of six months became too painful to ignore or explain away. The very thing that had been my life preserver for this divorce, was taken away. So many things I have wanted to tell him.

I have had a lot of loss in the last 3 years. I wasn’t prepared to have lost him too.


~ by goddess4ever on July 20, 2018.

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