It doesn’t go away.

Why can’t love just stop? Why does it have to be SUCH a terrorist?!??!?

You can’t turn it off. You can’t protect yourself from it, when it decides to rip you to shreds. You are addicted to that warmth and safety. Addicted to being wanted. Even if it is made up.

Women have a unique ability to overlook a lot and not even blink. I don’t think men realize how much we are willing to put up with just to be ‘her’. As a cop’s spouse, there were many missed holidays, cold dinners, plans destroyed, sleepless nights, in the name of the badge. The badge was the other woman. Yet, I loved my husband and I knew that he loved me and he loved our kids.

I didn’t think I could ever love again but I did. More than I ever have before. And even though I willingly walked away to spare myself the continuous pain of being held at arms length, I can’t shut it off.

Why does my heart have to be such an asshole? I love and I can’t shut it off. And you know what? It blows. It doesn’t just ‘go away’.

~ by goddess4ever on July 19, 2018.

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