Panic again.

I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I learned at a young age to curb my panic attacks and hide them as much as possible.

I take medication (an antidepressant) for them. But they tend to get significantly worse when my secure place in the world is shaken.

My divorce and separation. My mother’s bad schizophrenia episodes. My children having a rough time. Being fired or changing jobs. Living arrangement changes.

I started a new job today and keeping parts of my old one. So of course rocking in a corner with panicked breathing seems like a great way to end the day. I know I am being unreasonable, I am fairly certain that I will be ok. I just can’t shake the immeasurable fear in the pit of my stomach.

So I rock on the floor. Trying to remember that it will be ok. Extremely frustrated that I cannot stop the waves of paralyzing fear and hopelessness that wash over me.

~ by goddess4ever on July 17, 2018.

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