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Types of online dating profiles…..as described by me.

I hate dating. I hate it with a passion. I don’t want to date at all. I want one person to annoy for the rest of my life. Why is that too much to ask?!?!?

Anyway, the cesspool of males found on dating sites seem to fall neatly into several categories:

The bedroom photo guy:

This guy, omg. First of all, I don’t want to see your sex face right out of the gate. Keep that in your back pocket for a date or two. Surprise me, don’t open with your sex face and then expect me to look forward to your morning coffee face.

The murder:

This hardly needs an explanation, we have all seen the photo that says “I have a dead body in my closet.” Characterized predominantly by dark, evil eyes and no smile.

The virgin:

You can spot this photo immediately. Completely innocent and a little too excited to be around the idea that there could be boobs. Usually still lives with his parents.

The partier:

Every single photo has a beer, clearly alcohol induced facial expressions and lots of people. (BTW- allow me to take a moment and say : don’t put pictures with you and your ex’s on your profile you dumbass!)

The angry ex:

Gives a little too much information in their bio, usually mentioning cheating or some other character flaw that is unacceptable. This person really just needs to get laid for awhile.

The sex addict:

As soon as you give this one even one sec of attention, things go x-rated REALLY fast and you practically have to get a restraining order to even go to work.

That being said, there are some decent guys out there. It is important to know what you are looking for, that helps cut out the crap.

Hope my misery has brought at least a smile to your face 😉

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~ by goddess4ever on April 4, 2018.

One Response to “Types of online dating profiles…..as described by me.”

  1. OMG girl!!!!! that was hilarious and just funny to read, because it is soooooo true!

    Hopefully you can find that flower among the weeds (is that okay to describe a male as a flower?) … Don’t judge me! xD

    ❤lmao right?!?!

    Liked by 1 person

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