The dangers of giving a damn.

I care about what Christ called ‘the least of these’. Some would say that that is a gift. 

I do not share this viewpoint.

The problem with caring for the bullied, downtrodden, perpetual downward spiralers, eeyore’s of life, is that 9 times out of 10, they don’t want your help. They are ok with their bed in the mud. They don’t want opportunity. They DO want pity. 

The problem with that is that I have a major aversion to pity. 

I am an empath. Empaths feel people’s the emotions and energy produced from their personality and emotions. Quite frankly, it is freaking exhausting. 

I know people before they tell me about themselves. This gets me into A LOT of trouble. Because I react based off of what I read and not off of the ‘persona’ that they present. They usually are not ready to divulge that part of themselves and sometimes they are in complete denial of its existence.  

This also gets me into a LOT of trouble. 

As I get into the dating world again, I am acutely aware of this ‘flaw’. Men are not ‘sharers’. They compartmentalize EVERYTHING. How the hell am I supposed to start a relationship with someone when I see their history before they even decide that they may tell me ten years down the road?!?!?! W-T-F?!?!

You might say “Well Grace, this should help you weed out the losers.” To that I say, yes you are correct. I have weeded everyone out. Yay me.

I have the couple of confirmed batchelors who tolerate my rambling random comments. Just because I fill the five minutes of unbearable space in their lives. They like their lives and I see why they are still single. And I am fast becoming one of them. Ugh!!!!

The few guys who allow themselves to be real long enough for me to compare their real self with their persona and then weigh the odds of their sharing that with me; usually have decided that I know too much for a relationship and then friend zone me hard. 

My ex husband told me a year ago that I needed to leave my psychology at the door and be his wife for once. Major cop out. Just because I love the world of psychology, doesn’t mean that I analyze everyone because of it. I have analyzed people since I was a little kid. Psychology just helped me fill in a couple of blanks. 

So yeah. I care about people. I care about why they do and say the things that they do. I care about the pain that they compensate for. Because I know what it feels like. I know what pain and loneliness feels like. I know what it’s like to hurt so much that you try to end your life. I know what it’s like to endure abuse in hopes of finding something better. I know what it’s like to be disowned. I know what it’s like to be told that God no longer sees you. That you don’t exist anymore. I know what it’s like to walk into an abuser at Wal-Mart and have your stomach drop through the floor. I know what it’s like to lose someone that you love. I know what it’s like to lose a baby. I KNOW WHAT PAIN FEELS LIKE.

The danger of giving a damn, is that you set yourself up for more pain and heartache, but…… also have that 5% chance of reaching that person and showing them God’s face in their desperate hour. And that 5% is the most amazing high there is on this earth.

~ by goddess4ever on August 29, 2017.

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