goddess4ever's Blog

Today is 8 vials of blood for tests day. Ready to get this over with. Not knowing is the worst.

Aside: Thinking of you for today and tomorrow. I would love to be there and cheer you on but that wouldn’t benefit anyone. All of the best wishes! I am so proud of you and what you have accomplished! Just remember to have fun!! Love you always.

Posted in Life

Cardiology went well! Vaso vagal syncope was the diagnosis with a stress and anxiety cause. So now trying to decide how to work on that.

Next hurdle is another full blood work-up to rule out the big stuff.

To say I am exhausted is an understatement. To say that I feel like I am ready to have a breakdown, yeah that is imminent.

I just need a place to be ok.

Posted in Life

“Your daughter has a high white blood cell count and her calcium is also really high, we are sending her to a hematologist to re-run labs.”

I feel like someone discharged a gun into my chest. I entered a time and sound warp at 2:13pm today.

There are so many ways that this can turn out ok, but (of course) I am only thinking of one.

The only prayer I can manage right now is “God……please……please not this…”

Posted in Life

In the last 5 months, I have gone from managing 4 employees to managing 1. Eight support staff, to three support staff.

No less work.

No less bitching.

So instead of throwing a fit, I am pissing myself off by having emotion and frustration run down my face like a helpless baby.

Its a five star experience.

Posted in Life

The older I get, the more I realize that our expectations of love can get in the way of the actual thing.

Love doesn’t always fit in the box that you want it to fit in.

What matters is what you experience with that person. No one gets to decide if that is enough, but you.

Posted in Life

My daughter had a fainting spell. No biggie. Until it happens several times.

I did fine at first. Kids faint, get sick break bones, etc.

Making a cardiology apt for my daughter was a trigger for me. I never wanted this for her. This was her father’s cross to bear not hers’.

On the other hand, we will finally know how much of her father she inherited. She won’t have the not knowing hanging over her head anymore.

She is scared. Why wouldn’t she be? Her doctor mentioned that she may have to give up powerlifting…….you could have heard a pin drop. She spent two months of her life watching her dad fight for his life because of his genetics.

It just sucks.

Posted in Life